Joe Morgan should be shot in the face

LaDainian Tomlinson was in the booth for the third inning of a game on ESPN in San Diego and he was talking about his childhood idols. The following ensued:

Tomlinson - "I also idolized Emmitt Smith because I'm from Texas and I grew up a Cowboys fan."
Morgan - "HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!"

He also managed to slip in that Jim Brown is a "good friend of mine." Oh man, that's so awesome. Who else do you know???

Can we just go ahead and change the word 'quality' to 'Morgan'?


Tomlinson


Morgan

Hilarious videos

Girls can't do sound effects


Pussy spanking


Giraffe in quicksand


Wanking with mom


Very funny (if you saw the Sopranos series finale)


AYDS helped me lose weight!


The 300 Sandlot


Office Space as a thriller (FUCKING BRILLIANT!)


and finally...

FOCUS ON THE BOX!!!!




haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!

A lost nugget

Today I found this list that I made two years ago. It is pretty funny if I do say so myself. Enjoy.



Bad Band Names:

Toiletbrush
Standard Length
Essence of Monkey
Fountains of Hezekiah
The Lovely Widgets
I Remember Phyllis
Penetrate Me, Phil
Tree Roots in the Plumbing of the Lord
Call Me If You're Not Busy
Hedge
Acid Screams
Grease Fire
Puzzles
Erik's River of cuCUMbers
I Only Fear Wolverines
Lonely and Obese
Fruitless Cherry Tree
Barry the Hairy Dairy Ferry
No Time For Pants
Only a Pervert When You're Near
Diabetes Twins
Gene Shalit, Is That You?
Penile Pustules
Liquor Panties {[(Think about it)]}
Explosive Gonorrhea
Jessie Gave Me Crabs
The Asian League
Plantar's Warts
Goatmeal
The Studebaker in My Mind
Pizza Is Too Expensive
Laundry List
The Desecrated Mausoleum
Fuck Me, I'm Bulgarian
Unemployed Mid-30s Warlock
The Stupid Valedictorians
Ever Done It With a Gay Guy?
Menstrual Meanderings
Raizinz
Punting on 3rd Down
You Will Not Like This Band
Apathetic Songwriters
Severed Torso
The Bludgeoning
Semi-Retarded Newscasters
Constipation Nation
Gerbil in my Nickers
Extreme Frontal Nudity
Lobotomy Necklace
Foil-Wrapped Mutton
Circumcision Gone Awry
Shortage of Chairs
$250 a Plate
The Near-Sighted Norwegians
Prometheus Douchebag
I'm Friends with Ashton Kutcher
The Annoying Relatives
Lingering Hallitosis
Addicted to the Golf Channel
Neutered Fertility Statue
Corporal Slippyfists
I Will Inject My Love Into You
Too Late for a Burial
Chunky Nut Butter
Fortune Shines on the Portley
Pilates for the Soul
Diary of Anne Stank
Extortion Chamber
Single White Yeti
Below Me, Johnny
Shrimp Business
Motorhome Ladies
The Fish Tank
Writing Through Mental Block
Cramped from Wanking
The French
Quilting Homos
Broken Hearing Aid
Milktown, USA
Overproductive Seminal Vessicles
Eating Through the Pain
I Don't Know You and I Don't Want To
My Your Farts Smell Terrific
Don't Blame Me, I Thought She Was a Guy


Good Band Names:

Bridge to Nowhere
9mm with Nothing to Lose
Misplaced Anger
Dark Luminescence
Milkmaid at the Teets of Humanity
Ex-Girlfriend
Inspired by Rage
Days of Rain
Subtraction by Addition
Platinum Vessel



Choose your favorites...

(sidenote-It's much harder to think of good band names)

Doppelgangers

Have you ever wondered what Andy Roddick and Noah Lowry have in common? I mean, other than being lame-ass douchebags. Well, they are, in fact, the same person...


Roddick or Lowry


Roddick or Lowry

Pretty good, that. However, nothing will ever compare to the frightening similarities between Adam Dunn and Will Ferrell.


Dunn, I think


Ferrell?

Goddammit that will never stop being funny.

Neifi Perez finally caught cheating

He has been suspended 25 games for testing positive for a banned stimulant.

It has been coming for a long time. In 2005 his head was all big and he exploded for 9 home runs and 54 RBI. That's a bigger increase than Barry Bonds ever encountered.

I mean, we do remember that Bonds was one of the 10 best players of all-time even before the steroids nonsense, don't we? It's just a shame that Neifi's greatness was born through a lab. How do the Hall of Fame voters react to this? Stay tuned.


Perez in 2004


Perez 2005-Present

Eric what!?!?!?

"With the blast, which followed a sixth-inning shot off Eric Stults, Jones moved past Dale Murphy on Atlanta's all-time list with 372 homers."

At first I thought it said the pitcher's name was Eric SLUTS. Dyslexia ruels.


Sluts, peering into your soul.

My these grapes are sour

"Mavericks owner Mark Cuban claims in an ongoing dispute with his former coach that Don Nelson used "confidential information" to help the Golden State Warriors pull off a stunning first-round playoff victory."

Umm, since when does making 62 three-pointers and winning by 12, 18 and 25 constitute cheating? Maybe it was your 'MVP' averaging 19.7 ppg and choking just as hard as he did last year against the Heat in the Finals.

I am well aware that playoff shenanigans take place, what with the NBA conspiring against my Kings in 2002 and stuff. However, other than a cash grab scenario like that was, this is just stupid.

What is 'confidential information'? Did he know that Dirk is allergic to shellfish and then have a ballboy squirt crab juice into his gatorade? Maybe he knows that Jerry Stackhouse is in fact not a man, but instead the leader of the bat people of Southern Romania and found some way to exploit that. I don't know.



Jerry Stackhouse

Anyways, Cuban has found a way to make himself look even more foolish and lame. Bravo!

I hate Warriors fans, but this picture is just classic given this obscene new turn...