The NBA cheats

Weird, cuz I knew that five years ago. Tim Donaghy is rumored to be the NBA referee that has admitted to betting on games, including some he himself refereed. Well, never again can David Stern hide behind his infallable refs when charged with conspiracy. All those crazy theories about conspiracy and money-making schemes are now suddenly valid. I cannot remember if Donaghy was part of the uber-shenanigous (yeah, it's a word) Game 6, but I would not be surprised.

You know how players and coaches get fined a ridiculous amount of money for criticizing officials? Well, Stern was once asked why this is and his response was, "we don't want people questioning the integrity of officials. It just doesn't pay for us to do anything other than focus people on the game itself rather than the officiating."

But what happens when the officiating becomes the show? What happens when Scot Pollard and Vlade Divac foul out after literally not touching Shaq? What happens when Kobe hits Mike Bibby in the nose with an elbow, knocking him to the floor in plain sight of the blind, without a foul call? What happens when a team shoots 27 free throws in a quarter due to phantom calls ina game than ended in a four-point "win" for the undeserving team?

Sorry, Stern, but your officials' "integrity" just had its picture taken getting out of a car without its underwear on.

Back to my conpiracy charge, PTI's Michael Wilbon said the calls in game 6 were "stunningly incorrect." He added that "I have never seen officiating in a game of consequence as bad as that in Game 6."

David DuPree, who I believe is an absolute Lakers apologist even agreed, saying, "I've been covering the NBA for 30 years, and it's the poorest officiating in an important game I've ever seen."

So, every bad call we see from now on can be questioned if these charges indeed turn out to be true. Bad calls happen, but this development makes it so that every call can bring up the thoughts of unfair and blatantly misguided decisions. And worse yet, no one can discount them.


Never forget

John Hollinger is a fucking dumbass

ESPN's NBA "expert" John Hollinger has made his list of the 15 teams that have improved this offseason and the 15 that have gotten worse. Fine premise, monumentally better than that same entity's horrifyingly shitty Who's Now? garbage, but the execution of the premise left a lot to be desired.

You know who didn't improve themselves? The Kings. Yet this douche monkey has them in the half that got better. Tenth to be exact. Exactly how does adding Brad Miller's retarded protege and Mikki Moore make a team better? I await his formula for calling these additions quality ones.

The team that improved itself the most is apparently the Rockets for adding Mike James(...). Yeah, I mean it worked for the Timberwolves last year so I can see the point.

Number two: The Bobcats. Umm, this team without question hurt itself dramatically by trading Brandan Wright for broke-ass has-been Jason Richardson. What the hell is he THINKING!? (As I typed this a spider crawled across my computer screen. A clear sign of just how stupid this call is.)

Number four? You guessed it, the Knicks. Zach Randolph managed to get into trouble in PORTLAND, OREGON. But I think Hollinger's right, he won't be able to find anything unsavory to do in New York.

Those are the asinine picks in the 'improved' category. Now onto the 'got worse' category.

Nothing egregious until No. 18. That is where the Portland Trailblazers reside. Wow. One of two teams who dramatically and unquestionably improved themselves and they go at No. 18. Hollinger uses the "Yeah, but they won't be good this year" argument, but it's not about that is it? Were they good last year? No. Will they be more fun to watch this year? Yes.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand No. 30 AKA The Team That Got Worst Of All, The Sonics. The other one of the two teams that got uquestionably better. Yeah, Ray and Shard leaving will make them terrible next year, but again, the team that was there was impossibe to watch without shitting all over yourself. Kevin Durant, Jeff Green, Delonte West and Wally Szczgdfyhfjluhdocoygrobboerbiak are huge additions. I think West is a really underrated player and should start next year at PG. The Blazers and Sonics should have gone 1 and 2, while the Kings and Knicks should have gone 26th and 27th.

I usually disagree with Hollinger, as I have sent him numerous e-mails telling him I think he is full of poo. He never responds, cuz he's too smart to be questioned.

I want Gary Sheffield to die

"Sheffield says Torre treats black players differently from white players and says Jeter, who is from a mixed-race marriage, "ain't all the way black," during the interview with Andrea Kremer, as reported by Newsday."

You know, I want to walk up to Gary Sheffield and just say to is face, "I don't like you because you're black." Seeing as how he thinks everything is racist even when it clearly isn't, it would be interesting to see his reaction when faced with a real racist remark.

Would his head explode? Would he just burst into flame? Anyone else ever notice that he calls people racists by making racist statements? No one calls him on it...why? Jeter doesn't know what it's like to be on the receiving end of racism because he "ain't all the way black" huh? Yeah, mixed-race kids NEVER get picked on or have racism thrown at them.

Anyways, I just hope he dies.


Gary Sheffield on a Tigers off day

Kings off-season buzz

A lot is going on down in Vegas as far as the Kings are concerned.

1)Francisco Garcia apparently no longer looks like a recently tranquilized water fowl on the court, but I'll wait til I see it during regular season action to decide to hate him less.

2)Bibby looks like he's on the way out!!! Thank God. I used to love him because he was the only Kings player in the Sac era to ever resemble anything close to clutch. But then last year happened and he seemed to stop trying for large stretches of the season. I don't root for people who don't try. Keep Artest, dump Bibby.

Drew Gooden is rumored to be the acquired piece. Honestly I really like that deal. Gooden does one of the things that the Kings have always needed; rebound. He isn't a spectacular player, but good God. Had you seen how shitty the Kings were last year you would be clamoring for 12 points and 8 rebounds too. Our two power forwards (Kenny Thomas and Shareef Abdur-Rahim) basically got that between them.

3)Yiiiiiiiiiiii!!! Yi Jianlian doesn't want to play in Milwaukee and apparently is trying to get a trade to Sacramento. I would be so severely psyched if that happened. I'm sure any such deal would require we give up #10 pick Spencer Hawes as well as something else, but who cares? Hawes is Brad Miller redux and I'm not interested in that shit. It is time to embrace that the Kings are a rebuilding project and I am willing to let the 7-foot Chinaman progress as the team "refurbishes."

Projected starting lineups

Shitty lineup
Mike Bibby
Kevin Martin
Ron Artest
Kenny Thomas
Brad Miller
6th man - Shareef Abdur-Rahim

Refurbished lineup
Ronnie Price (or other if they pick one up)
Kevin Martin
Ron Artest
Yi Jianlian (or Gooden)
Brad Miller
6th man - Drew Gooden (or Yi)

God that would be great. They wouldn't win more than 30 games, but it would build towards a perhaps bright future.



Bring 'em on, Petrie.

A delicate conundrum

It seems like after losing nine straight All-Star games the NL would pull out all the stops to end the streak. Especially now with the horrible home field advantage rule. I would like to re-visit the tough call NL manager Tony La Russa had to make on Tuesday night.

The scenario:

Bottom of the 9th
2 outs
Down by 1
Bases jacked

So who do you bring in to at the very least tie the game?

Player A - .283 BA, 77 HRs, 301 RBI, .791 OPS (7-year career)
Player B - .330 BA, 266 HRs, 810 RBI, 1.037 OPS (7-year career)

I would choose B, but you know...it's a tough call.


BEWARE THE WRATH OF PU

A list...

Things I care about less than ESPN's mini-series "The Bronx is Burning":

-A cure for whatever kind of terrible form of cancer Skip Bayless inevitably gets
-ESPN's 'Who's Now?' horseshit
-Children
-Pedro Gomez following Barry Bonds around like a fucking dog
-The vast majority of today's popular music
-Kids
-Roger Clemens
-Young people
-Nothing

Derby O'Gill and the little people

After correctly picking Ryan Howard to win it last year, i have returned to prognosticate this year's winner.

Despite the fact that all the attention will be focused on the water in right field, SBC is a right-handed hitter's park. No lefties are going to hit homers to right center, commonly referred to as "Triples Alley".

Fearless forecast:

Pujols def. Howard in finals.

One person embarrasses himself every year by hitting one HR and it's usually a whitey:
1985 - Steve Garvey - 2, Ryne Sandberg - 2, Jack Clark - 2, Cal Ripken, Jr. - 1
1989 - Mickey Tettleton - 1, Gary Gaetti - 0
1991 - Chris Sabo - 0, Howard Johnson - 0
1993 - Mike Piazza - 0
1994 - Mike Piazza - 0
1996 - Jeff Bagwell - 2
1997 - Jim Thome - 0
1998 - Chipper Jones - 1
1999 - B. J. Surhoff - 2, Shawn Green - 2, Larry Walker - 2, John Jaha (!!!) - 1
2000 - Chipper Jones - 2
2001 - Todd Helton - 2, Troy Glaus - 0
2002 - Lance Berkman - 1, Alex Rodriguez - 2 (come on, A-Rod is whiter than me)
2003 - Richie Sexson - 1, Bret Boone - 0
2005 - Jason Bay - 0
2006 - Troy Glaus - 1

This year will be no exception. Enter Matt Holliday.