Tonight I got take-out at Admiral Wang's House of Noodles (not the real name, but I don't remember what it was and I wanted to get in at least one racist remark in this thing...stinking Jews).
The meal was about what you'd expect from Chinese take-out. Rice, noodles, sweet and sour, egg roll, blah, blah blah. It was good.
Then, as is always the case, the meal ended with the always disappointing reading of the fortune.
Almost always it is something that is generalized to the point of stupidity. "You will find what you have searched for," or "Soon you will get a paycheck for $167.48 and you will be pissed beyond all rhyme or reason because you were sure you logged at least $300 worth of time but Eric the supervisor said there were deductions due to the 'forklift accident' that left trainee Blake with seven toes." You know, the usual crap.
But today...it came. The rare, self-fulfilling, genius fortune. It succeeded in proving itself true simply by what it said. The words made the fortune come true!!! That is some kind of sorcery.
BEHOLD!
"WELL, WHY NOT? ADMIT IT -- YOU'RE INTRIGUED."
Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...
Why yes, yes I am. But about what? ABOUT THE FORTUNE ITSELF! Man. No wonder they were able to build a wall you can see from space.
If that isn't the best goddamn fortune you've ever seen you can go fuck yourself because I don't believe you.
Also, you know how on the back it gives you lottery numbers and instructions on how to write and say a certain Chinese phrase?
Hahaha, ahh.
Well, I got the best one of those ever too.
Wait for it...
WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIT FOR IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT...
"LONG TIME"
If anyone ever gets a hold of one that teaches them how to say "Me love you" I'll take you on a trip to San Francisco and we can try that shit out in Chinatown.
