In what can only be described as the biggest scientific breakthrough in history, 2007 has been instantaneously changed into 1994. How else can you explain the Miami Heat signing Penny Hardaway?
Boy, that Finals run the Magic made in 1995 with Shaq and Penny at the helm was great, wasn't it? So why not try it again with both being old, broken and shitty?
The Heat just keep on adding otherworldly talent to what just 12 months ago was known as "The Worst Team to Win a Championship in Professional Sports History."
In the words of Peter Griffin: WHOA, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa...whoa. You mean to tell me that Joel Anthony, Michael Doleac, Smush Parker, Chris Quinn, Jeremy Richardson, Marcus Slaughter, Antoine Walker, Penny hardaway AND Dorell Wright now share the same locker room? I haven't seen a more heavenly meeting of souls since the internet leaked the Rosie O'Donnell-DJ Qualls sex tape.
Classy, not at all the real-life Leatherface, Pat Riley said of the move, "Penny is a player who has been an All-Star and has enjoyed an illustrious career."
Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight. You know who else used to be an All-Star? Reggie Lewis. He, too, isn't producing much these days.
Yes, that was a bit offsides, but you laughed, so you can deal with hating yourselves instead of me.
I still think it's just an excuse to make "Blue Chips 2." The only thing holding it up is the fact that Nick Nolte is busy trying to drink away his performance in "Hulk."
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